Car har har...

I should never go back and read what I wrote. Yesterday's post feels disjointed and a little unlike me. But really that's all what I was feeling in that moment. Sometimes I'm a little all over the place. Doesn't make it less true if I delete the record off of a blog.. I'm like that in life and my family and friends know it.

Anyway, yesterday was something else. VBS in the morning, watching my niece in the afternoon and then back to church for a Family Fun Night for the final day of VBS. On the way to church my car started slowly shutting down. The lights in the panel started to come on one by one. The radio stopped working all together and my windshield wipers slowed. Finally I decided to pull over at an AutoZone and stop the car and try to restart. It wouldn't. So they took my battery to charge and Ross picked us up and we headed on. We missed the chance for Lilly to sing on stage, but Bella got to. Lilly is a little young to care, so that worked out for the best.

When we went back to pick up the battery it turned out that it was just a defective one (that I bought there last year) and they replaced it for free. But as Ross was pulling out away from my car he saw that I had a rear flat tire. So we had to get that pumped.. Ugh. Thankfully that didn't take long. Now to see if it's going to be an issue in the future or not (so far so good this morning).

Today is a day of rest and cleaning. I have done two weeks of vacation bible school and this is our first day that we are not committed to doing anything but Skyping with Ross's Mum. Yay for rest!

Guess who's back? Back again?

Today I start writing (again, for maybe the 10th time). For no one but myself and my kids. My husband too, if he wants to read it. But mostly this is the story and stories of my life. I want to leave them with stories, in case the worst should happen. Or in case I lose my memory at some point and want to remember things I can't.

Those are the kind of awful things I think of sometimes. I really don't dwell on the bad much, but when I have an odd moment of silence my brain "goes there" and sometimes quickly and harshly. And the feelings are terribly real to me. I'm dying. Or someone I love is dying. And suddenly I'm crushed. Barely breathing and crying as if I'm at a funeral. I'm thankful for the internet because I know that I'm not the only one who does this. But still it feels like such an odd thing. And so specific to me, even though it's not.

But mostly I'm about love and happiness. And that's what I hope this journal shows. I spend a lot of time trying to keep people's spirits up. There's already too much bad in this world. I just don't want to succumb to it. I want life to be full of happy moments with the bad ones few and far between, as if I could control such a thing.

That's it for now. I have to get going this morning because it's Vacation Bible School week at my old church and I've got to get the kids ready to go. It's the last day, and I'm sad I won't see some of these folks for another year. But I'm tired and worn out and ready to have a few days of rest afterwards.